A girl brought home her fiance, a theology student, to meet her parents for the first time. Her father was keen to learn what prospects the boy had.

"How do you plan to make a living?" asked the father.

"I don't know," said the student, "but God will provide."

The father raised his eyebrows. "Do you own a car?"

"No," said the student, "but God will provide."

"I see. And where are you thinking of living once you're married?"

"No idea, but I'm sure God will provide."

Later the mother asked the father what he thought of their prospective son-in-law.

"Not a lot, really," sighed the father. "He's got no money and seems to have given precious little thought to the future. But on the other hand, he thinks I'm God!"

Some jokes my nephews like-

Why did they bury the fireman at the top of the hill? (Because he was dead!)

Which side of a cat is the hairiest ( the outside!)

A man goes to the doctor for a checkup- the Dr says “does it hurt here?” The man responds “ouch, yes”. the Dr says “ok, does it hurt here?” The man responds “ouch, even more!”. the Dr says “what about here?” The man responds “Yes! Ouch! Oh no! Tell me Doc, am I going to die!?!”. The Dr says “ no, don’t be silly, I was holding a thumbtack...”

I found a wallet with 20 dollars in it. I wasn't sure how to proceed, but then I thought, "What would Jesus do?"

So I turned it into wine.

A guy is late for an important meeting. But he can't find a place to park. In desperation, he begins to pray. "Please Lord, if you help me find a parking stall right now, I promise to go to church every Sunday and never drink vodka again!" A moment later, he sees a beautiful empty spot right next to the entrance. "Never mind. Found one!"

Imagine a revenge tale set in 1983 America in the backwoods of California made by a director who was heavily influenced by Sword & Sorcery, Heavy Metal, LSD and Dario Argento's Suspiria AND THEN throw in Nick Cage at his most insane and you have possibly the greatest movie ever made.

Entering a bar, a fully drunk man ordered double whiskey. Waiter said him politely that he is already drunk enough, so he can’t give him any more drink. Instead of that he can call a taxi for him.

The drunk left the bar irritated. After few minutes he came back. And again he ordered whiskey. Waiter again denied. Drunken man again left the bar angrily.

Again, few minutes later the drunk entered the bar for the 3rd time. Again the waiter said he can’t give him drinks. Drunken man left again.

Few moments later, again the drunk man entered. Seeing him, waiter came to him. The drunk man shouted angrily seeing waiter and said “Do u work on every bar of the world!!!”

Recently I went back to Russian's Romantic authors and specifically to Pushkin. I've already read almost everything ever translated to Czech and English from him and I am really fond of his poetry so if I would've to recommend anything I'd say any collection of his poetry would be great. From his Prose it would definitely be The Squire's Daughter (I am not listing the videly known works like Eugene or Godunov but it should be obvious how great they were from how much of an impact they had on literature). It's hard to compare Pushkin to anyone in the history for how extremely distinct his works were and yet he is nothing short of authors such as Baudelair or Poe. If anyone is looking for some classic literature and never read anything from him or is simply looking for something to spend time on this is it. Thanks for the giveway by the way Amill I got so many great books from this site thanks to people like you.

there's three kinds of people in the world, those good at math and those who aren't.

A lady comes home from her doctor's appointment grinning from ear to ear. Her husband asks, "Why are you so happy?" The wife says, "The doctor told me that for a forty-five year old woman, I have the breasts of a eighteen year old." "Oh yeah?" quipped her husband, "What did he say about your forty-five year old ass?" She said, "Your name never came up in the conversation."

If you appreciate sci-fi, fantasy, and post apocalyptia/dystopia books; I would recommend:

The Darkness That Comes Before - R Scott Bakker
Too Like the Lightning - Ada Palmer
Seveneves - Neal Stephenson
Forever War - Joe Haldeman
Children of Time - Adrian Tchaikovsky
The Wizard Knight - Gene Wolfe
Earth Abides - George Stewart
Replay - Ken Grimwood
What Dreams May Come - Richard Matheson

Some good authors to read

Brad Thor
Brad Taylor
John Birmingham
Christopher Nuttall
WEB Griffin
Marc Cameron
Dalton Fury
Dale Brown
David Gibbins
Duncan Falconer
Jack Coughlin

Read Ruthless People

I'm not sure if somebody recommended this ebook to you, but this series from JJ McAvoy is so dang gooooood! well, at least for me, it's not your typical love story. Definitely not, the characters are blood thirsty, twisted, dangerous and ultimate the bad guys in that universe, but... You'll love them. Has a great story line, build up and climax! very nice read.

I realty enjoyed Neal Stephenson`s The Baroque Cycle series.
Then there is The The Foreworld Saga in which he is a co-writer.

King Arthur by Guy Ritchie is an aesthetically perfect movie. If you love video games, you would probably love it. The music and scenes are incredible. Storylines is pretty parallel to the legend but it is not faintly courtly love or chivalry. Pretty good in my book! Let me know if you watch it. Enjoy!

Have you ever heard of Mauro Biglino? He is an Italian biblical translator and has written several books. In his books he states that there is no divinity in the bible but, essentially, alien or "visitors" who have genetically modified hominids. I highly recommend his works!