just for fun...

It was the first day of school in Marietta, Georgia, and a new student named Suzuki, the son of a Japanese businessman, entered the fourth grade.

The teacher said, "Let's begin by reviewing some American history. Who said 'Give me Liberty, or give me Death?'"

She saw a sea of blank faces, except for Suzuki, who had his hand up. "Patrick Henry, 1775," he said.

"Very good! Who said 'Government of the people, by the people, for the people, shall not perish from the earth'"? Again, no response except from Suzuki. "Abraham Lincoln, 1863.", said Suzuki.

The teacher snapped at the class, "Class, you should be ashamed. Suzuki, who is new to our country, knows more about its history than you do." he heard a loud whisper: "F-ck the Japs."

"Who said that?" she demanded. Suzuki put his hand up. "Lee Iacocca, 1982." At that point, a student in the back said, "I'm gonna puke."

The teacher glares and asks "All right! Now, who said that?" Again, Suzuki says, "George Bush to the Japanese Prime Minister, 1991."

Now furious, another student yells, "Oh yeah? Suck this!" Suzuki jumps out of his chair waving his hand and shouts to the teacher: "Bill Clinton, to Monica Lewinsky, 1997!"

Now with almost a mob hysteria someone said, "You little sh!t. If you say anything else, I'll kill you." Suzuki frantically yells at the top of his voice, "Gary Condit to Chandra Levy 2001."

The teacher fainted. And as the class gathered around the teacher on the floor, someone said, "Oh sh!t, we're f-cked."

Suzuki said, "The Taliban! 2001"

[Guy1731]

Heh, there's that lady who phones to the pet doctor: "Doctor, doctor, come quick, you have to help us..." and the doctor replies: " calm down, lady, what's the problem?" says the lady: "doctor, please hurry, it's our dog... " , " yes, what about your dog?"... "doctor, it's terrible!" ... "calm, calm, ... what's the matter?"..." doctor, our dog swallowed my Pocket PC!...". The doctor replies: "ouch, terrible, but... listen I have two more patients to help and then I will come as quickly as I can...", the lady: "great! Doctor, thank you very much. Please hurry!"...

The doctor handles his last two patients, prepares to leave his cabinet, then suddenly the phone rings again: "yes, pet doctor speaking...", on the other end of the line: "Ah! Doctor" - (the lady with the dog) - "Lucky I catch you still at home..." ... the doctor: "Yes, lady, I am just ready to leave, will be at your place in 5 minutes...", says the lady: "No, doctor, please don't! No need anymore ... Listen: it's OK, the problem is gone...", the doctor - anxious - "oh, no, don't tell me it is too late...the poor dog...", replies the lady: "no, no, doctor, it's alright,... my husband lets me use his PPC..."

[andree]

"no, no, doctor, it's alright,... my husband lets me use his PPC..."

so she must be one of those PPC-addict, Guy ? Hahahahahahaha... poor dog!

How many ppc software crackers does it take to change a light bulb? None, it's a hardware problem.

Junior asks his dad, "Daddy, how was I born?" His dad, who is a software engineer sighs and replies, "Ah, my son, I guess one day you would have to find out anyway!" "Well, you see your Mom and I first got together in a chat room on MSN. Then I set up a date via e-mail with your mom and we met at a cyber-cafe. We sneaked into a secluded room, where your mother agreed to a download from my hard drive. As soon as I was ready to upload, we discovered that neither one of us had used a firewall, but it was too late to hit the delete button." "Six weeks later your mom sent me an instant message saying that her operating system was showing signs of unauthorized program activity from a self extracting file which had implanted itself in her BIOS. Then nine months later a little virus was born.

[andree]

Then nine months later a little virus was born.

hahahahahahahahahaha..... very creative! cool! nice! poor Junior! a little virus ? LOL!

come on people, there must be people with jokes out there!
don't care if there are ppc jokes (I only have some), but create more laughter!

[Guy1731]

come on people, there must be people with jokes out there!
don't care if there are ppc jokes (I only have some), but create more laughter!

I guess Kargent is simply preparing himself to tell us the joke of the century... that's why he is so quiet.

Let's give him some time. The longer we wait, the better will be the "pointe"!

Operator: "Ridge Hall, computer assistance; may I help you?"
Caller: "Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect."
Operator: "What sort of trouble??"
Caller: "Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away."
Operator: "Went away?"
Caller: "They disappeared."
Operator: "Hmm So what does your screen look like now?"
Caller: "Nothing."
Operator: "Nothing??"
Caller: "It's blank; it won't accept anything when I type."
Operator: "Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out??"
Caller: "How do I tell?"
Operator: "Can you see the C: prompt on the screen??"
Caller: "What's a sea-prompt?"
Operator: "Never mind, can you move your cursor around the screen?"
Caller: "There isn't any cursor: I told you, it won't accept anything I type."
Operator: "Does your monitor have a power indicator??"
Caller: "What's a monitor?"
Operator: "It's the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV. Does it have a little light that tells you when it's on??"
Caller: "I don't know."
Operator: "Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where the power cord goes into it. Can you see that??"
Caller: "Yes, I think so."
Operator: "Great. Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it's plugged into the wall.
Caller: "Yes, it is."
Operator: "When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there were two cables plugged into the back of it, not just one??"
Caller: "No."
Operator: "Well, there are. I need you to look back there again and find the other cable."
Caller: "Okay, here it is."
Operator: "Follow it for me, and tell me if it's plugged securely into the back of your computer."
Caller: "I can't reach."
Operator: "Uh huh. Well, can you see if it is??"
Caller: "No."
Operator: "Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way over??"
Caller: "Oh, it's not because I don't have the right angle - it's because it's dark."
Operator: "Dark??"
Caller: "Yes - the office light is off, and the only light I have is coming in from the window.
" Operator: "Well, turn on the office light then."
Caller: "I can't."
Operator: "No? Why not??"
Caller: "Because there's a power failure."
Operator: "A power......... A power failure? Aha, Okay, we've got it licked now.
Do you still have the boxes and manuals and packing stuff your computer came in??"
Caller: "Well, yes, I keep them in the closet."
Operator: "Good. Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it up just like it was when you got it. Then take it back to the store you bought it from."
Caller: "Really? Is it that bad?"
Operator: "Yes, I'm afraid it is."
Caller: "Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them??"
Operator: "Tell them you're too f ---ing stupid to own a computer!!!!!"

come on people, there must be people with jokes out there!
don't care if there are ppc jokes (I only have some), but create more laughter!

Hi kevinunlai, ppc are difficult, though mod's are leniant. I think
so in reply a few.

Set up ppc

A woman was helping her husband set up his ppc, and at the appropriate point in the process, told him that he would now need to enter a password.
Something he will use to log on.

The husband was in a rather humorous mood and figured he would try for the shock effect to bring this to his wife's attention. So, when the computer asked him to enter his password, he made it plainly obvious to his wife what he was keying in.

"P....E....N....I....$.."

His wife fell off her chair laughing when the computer replied:

**** PASSWORD REJECTED. NOT LONG ENOUGH*****

True fact of married life!

Jack was going to be married to Jill, so his father sat him down for a little fireside chat. He says, "Jack, let me tell you something. On my wedding night in our honeymoon suite, I took off my pants and handed them to your mother and said, "Here, try these on."

So, she did and said, "These are too big, I can't wear them."

So I replied, "Exactly. I wear the pants In this family and I always will." Ever since that night we have never had any problems."

"Hmmm," says Jack. He thinks that might be a good thing to try. So, on His honeymoon Jack takes off his pants and says to Jill, "Here try these on."

So she does and says, "These are too large, they don't fit me."

So Jack says, "Exactly. I wear the pants in this family and I always will and I don't want you to ever forget that."

Then Jill takes off her pants and hands them to Jack and says, "Here You try on mine."

So he does and says, "I can't get into your pants."

So Jill says, "Exactly! And if you don't change your smartass attitude, you never will."

Den

Gender Association

An English teacher was explaining to his students the concept of gender association in the English language. He stated how hurricanes at one time were given feminine names and how ships and planes were usually referred to as "she." A student with raised hand asked: "What gender is a ppc?"

The teacher wasn't certain which it was, so he divided the class into two groups, males in one, females in the other, and asked them to decide if a ppc should be masculine or feminine. Both groups were asked to give four reasons for their recommendation.

The girls concluded that the ppc should be referred to in the masculine gender because: 1. In order to get their attention, you have to turn them on. 2. They have a lot of data but are still clueless. 3. They are supposed to help you solve your problems, but half the time they are the problem. 4. As soon as you commit to one, you realize that, if you had waited a little longer, you could have had a better model.

The boys decided that the ppc should definitely be referred to in the feminine gender because: 1. No one but their creator understands their internal logic. 2. The native language they use to communicate with other ppc's is incomprehensible to everyone else. 3. Even your smallest mistakes are stored in long-term memory for later retrieval. 4. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your paycheck on accessories for it

Programming a ppc.


Jesus and Satan have a discussion as to who is the better programmer. This goes on for a few hours until they come to an agreement to hold a contest, with God as the judge.

They sit themselves at their ppcs and begin. They type furiously, lines of code streaming up the screen, for several hours straight. Seconds before the end of the competition, a bolt of lightning strikes, taking out the battery.

He asks Satan to show what he has come up with. Satan is visibly upset, and cries, "I have nothing. I lost it all when the battery went out."

"Very well, then," says God, "let us see if Jesus fared any better."

Jesus replaces the battery & enters a command, and the screen comes to life in vivid display, the voices of an angelic choir pour forth from the speakers. Satan is astonished.

He stutters, "B-b-but how? I lost everything, yet Jesus' program is intact. How did he do it?"

God smiled all-knowingly, "Jesus saves."

For kevinyunlai the yank with a canadian flag . or should i say the Canuk living in USA. I am an Ulsterman that now wear an Aussie flag very proudly.
But to the point of FUN no matter who or get a smile on your dial



An Aussie Poem

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The sun was hot already - it was only 8 o'clock
The cocky took off in his Ute, to go and check his stock.
He drove around the paddocks checking wethers, ewes and lambs,
The float valves in the water troughs, the windmills on the dams.

He stopped and turned a windmill on to fill a water tank
And saw a ewe down in the dam, a few yards from the bank.
"Typical bloody sheep," he thought, "they've got no common sense,
"They won't go through a gateway but they'll jump a bloody fence."

The ewe was stuck down in the mud, he knew without a doubt
She'd stay there 'til she carked it if he didn't get her out.
But when he reached the water's edge, the startled ewe broke free
And in her haste to get away, began a swimming spree.

He reckoned once her fleece was wet, the weight would drag her down
If he didn't rescue her, the stupid sod would drown.
Her style was unimpressive, her survival chances slim
He saw no other option, he would have to take a swim.

He peeled his shirt and singlet off, his trousers, boots and socks
And as he couldn't stand wet clothes, he also shed his jocks.
He jumped into the water and away that cocky swam
He caught up with her, somewhere near the middle of the dam

The ewe was quite evasive, she kept giving him the slip
He tried to grab her sodden fleece but couldn't get a grip.
At last he got her to the bank and stopped to catch his breath
She showed him little gratitude for saving her from death.

She took off like a Bondi tram around the other side
He swore next time he caught that ewe he'd hang her bloody hide.
Then round and round the dam they ran, although he felt quite puffed
He still thought he could run her down, she must be nearly stuffed.

The local stock rep came along, to pay a call that day.
He knew this bloke was on his own, his wife had gone away
He didn't really think he'd get fresh scones for morning tea
But nor was he prepared for what he was about to see.

He rubbed his eyes in disbelief at what came into view
For running down the catchment came this frantic-looking ewe.
And on her heels in hot pursuit and wearing not a stitch
The farmer yelling wildly "Come back here, you lousy bitch!"

The stock rep didn't hang around, he took off in his car
The cocky's reputation has been damaged near and far
So bear in mind the Work Safe rule when next you check your flocks
Spot the hazard, assess the risk, and always wear your jocks!



den

Aussie style.

A young bloke has started work on a property, and the boss sends him up the
back paddocks to do some fencing work, but come evening he's half an hour
late. The boss gets on the CB radio to check if he's all right.

"I've got a problem, Boss. I'm stuck here. I've hit a pig!"
"Ah well, these things happen sometimes," the boss says. "Just drag the
carcass off the road so nobody else hits it in the dark."

"But he's not dead, boss. He's gotten tangled up on the bull bar, and I've
tried to untangle him, but he's kicking and squealing, and he's real big
boss. I'm afraid he's gonna hurt me!"

"Never mind," says the boss. "There's a .303 under the tarp in the back. Get
that out and shoot him. Then drag the carcass off the road and come on
home."

"Okay, boss."
Another half an hour goes by, but there's still not a peep from the young
fella. The boss gets back on the CB. "What's the problem, son?"

"Well, I did what you said boss, but I'm still stuck."
"What's up? Did you drag the pig off the road like I said?"
"Yeah boss, but his motorcycle is still jammed under the truck."