Happy Leap Year everyone! Man I'm so glad that we all get to enjoy one extra day in this our planet Earth before 12-21-2012 comes around. Or 12-12-2012 just in case the guy was dyslexic. Yup, the Mayan Apocalypse or as Charlie Sheen calls it "The Big Torpedo of Doom".
Tell you what though, I'm kind of glad that it's gonna be over just short of Christmas this year. It's gonna save me a bundle and a couple of headaches trying to figure out who gets what. Last year's personalized but still generic gifts ain't gonna fly this year. So this year is gonna be even more generic. A toaster for everyone would be just the ticket. I mean, if the world ends, who cares, and if it doesn't, they can return it and get themselves whatever they want.
On the other hand, there's some who hold the view (and don't sell nearly as many books) that the end of the Long Count Calendar means that a new cycle is starting, a new beginning in the era of men. Silly New Agers.
Others don't see as much significance in the ending of the long count (and sell even less books) that all that it means is that a cycle had ended, like the calendar running out, you just need a new one.
Mayan Scribe: "Hey boss, we're running out of writing rock"
Mayan Boss: "Crap! How much do we have? Can we al least finish this cycle? We'll get some more next sacrifice season"
Mayan Scribe: "Yeah, we have enough to finish up the cycle, but we're really gonna need some more to start the next one"
Mayan Boss: "Man! We have more time than life!"
What's a girl to do, you ask. This is my plan:
I -pragmatic that I am by the grace of the Creator- will cover all my bases. I am gonna shop for the one gift and put them all on layaway until at Least December 22, giving the 21st a good margin of error, thus, giving myself a good 3 days to recover from Vegas and try to see straight enough to wrap the gifts. Vegas? You never mentioned Vegas, I hear you say. Well Vegas is also a part of the plan.
On December 1st I will launch my plan, having converted most of my assets into cash -except the house of course, I will need a place to live in case things don't go according to plan- I will fly to Las Vegas and have me a 12 to 21 day Bacchanal. All the food, wine, and sex that I can buy. And more sex, just in case. No gambling tho. That's a sucker's bet. When I run out of cash hopefully on December 12th, I will then max out all of my credit cards, old ones and the 15 or so new ones I will acquire throughout the year. I'm telling you, I'm gonna have A BALL!
When December the 22nd. rolls around (after the good margin for error has come and gone) I will fly home, try to get some rest and wrap the 30 to 40 toasters that I had so prudently put on layaway and have now finally bought.
As soon as Christmas is done, I will get me a good lawyer, with some of the cash I put aside for just this reason, and will declare bankruptcy by reason of temporary insanity brought on by the undue stress of knowing that it's the end of the world as we know it and dammit! I don't feel fine. I will also wear a tee shirt that reads I Survived 12-21-2012 on the front and EAT SH*T POPOL VUH on the back.
I'm telling you, I'm gonna have A BALL!
Happy Leap Year, everyone.
