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Mar 23rd, 2017, 10:17 am
Jess Jordan Series by Sue Limb (.05-04)
Requirements: epub Reader 3.6MB/Various
Overview: Sue Limb is a British writer and broadcaster. She lives on an organic farm near Nailsworth, Gloucestershire.
Genre: Young Adult, Fiction

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.05 Flirting for England: Jess Jordan is barely 15. Fred is her often-aggravating best guy friend; her father is a lonely bachelor; Flora is her gorgeous best friend, a constant liability; and Ben Jones is barely a twinkle in her eye. Into this innocent scene are dropped 30 or so helpless French exchange students. Jess and her mother are assigned to house Eduoard, a shy, awkward, and painfully English-deprived boy Jess's age. To counter what Jess fears is Eduoard's growing crush on her, Jess convinces her friend Fred to pose as her boyfriend, but he refuses to take their fake relationship seriously. Add a gorgeous, womanizing French student, an ill-fated camping trip in a student's backyard, and Flora just being, well, Flora, and you have all the makings of an international incident. Will Jess be able to keep the peace, or even translate the whole debacle to the confused French students? The future of England is on the line. . . .

01. Charming But Insane: Life was tragic enough before this spring started. With a distinct lack of boobage and an arse so big that birds of prey could nest within its shadows, Jess Jordan is saddled with the Goddess Flora for a best friend, a Britney Spears look-alike so gorgeous that one grain of her divine dandruff could make the blind see again. Jess knows that her soul mate is Ben Jones, a divine mixture of Leonardo diCaprio, Prince William, and Brad Pitt who oozes mystery and charisma. But the campaign to get Ben to notice her brings on a cavalcade of mortification and disaster, including, but not limited to, a minestrone soup explosion that takes place in her bra and a schoolwide viewing of a videotape that features a topless Jess referring to her breasts as “Bonnie” and “Clyde.”

Meanwhile, Jess’s death-obsessed Granny moves into her bedroom, along with her grandfather’s remains; her hypochondriac dad, who sends her daily “horrorscopes” like “You will fall asleep with your mouth open, and a family of earwigs will move in,” acts strange about Jess staying with him this summer; and her longtime friend Fred, a television violence addict and closet thumbsucker, has decided that he can’t stand being around her. Jess is determined to make things right . . . but with her offbeat sense of humor and her wildly active imagination, things get complicated along the way.

02. Absolute Torture: Just when things were going so well.
Jess had the perfect summer planned: She and Fred, lounging in the park, gazing into one another's eyes and engaging in witty repartee. It was going to be so romantic. And then her maddening mum stepped in: She suddenly announced a two-week "road trip" to Cornwall to visit Jess's dad, something Jess might have enjoyed, actually, were it not for the monstrously bad timing. Not only will this force Jess and Fred apart for two whole weeks, it will also leave the darling and handsome Fred in the clutches of Jess's blindingly beautiful best friend, Flora--who, you might recall, expressed an interest in Fred not too long ago. As if all this weren't enough, Jess's mum seems to expect her to weep at the grave of every departed literary hero in Britain's long history. "It's absolute torture." And little does Jess know, a huge surprise awaits her when she visits her dad at his home for the first time in years.

03. Pants on Fire: It's never fun when a great summer comes to an end.
Particularly when one argues with one’s adorable, but grossly insensitive, boyfriend the night before school starts. It’s such a terrible fight, Jess doesn’t know—are they broken up? Should she apologize? Too bad Jess is spending all her time in detention and can’t talk to Fred to figure it out. A sadistic new English teacher has decided Jess needs an attitude adjustment, and Jess can’t seem to stop making terrible mistakes. When she ends up pantless in her own backyard, Jess is left to ask herself: Where did she go wrong? And what can be done to make it up to Fred and salvage this horrible, horrible year?

04. Five Star Fiasco: The teenage world of Jess Jordon is looking characteristically chaotic: Mum has joined an online dating programme and has recruited Jess as advisor, while Jess's best friend Flora has a rich new boyfriend who Jess can't possibly keep up with. Then Jess's own boyfriend, Fred, does something unbelievably treacherous and spineless. Jess is becoming completely fed up with the male sex, and is beginning to think that the only reliable form of male is e-mail . . . Never mind, there's Valentine's Day to look forward to. Fred is sure to make amends then. Isn't he?

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Book .05-01: 857kb
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Book 2-3: 782kb
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Book 4: 517kb
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Mar 23rd, 2017, 10:17 am

98% of my current uploads are retail.
Jul 6th, 2018, 6:20 am
added book 1
Jul 6th, 2018, 6:20 am

98% of my current uploads are retail.
Mar 15th, 2021, 11:03 pm
added book 4
Mar 15th, 2021, 11:03 pm

98% of my current uploads are retail.